The Right Time is now!

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the joy of being at "the right place at the right time" and what that is.  I wonder how much control anyone has in setting herself up to be in the right place at the right time.  You certainly have control over initiating something like a confrontation you need to have and making whatever time there is, the right time.

No one can control all the elements that make up what’s so called, “the right time”, but there are aspects you can control. Not letting a chance get away from you without acting on it, is what taking opportunity is all about.

I believe “the right time” is the crossroad between someone’s heightened need and someone’s willingness to supply that need.  Typically, we call that “opportunity” or “chance”; God calls it “the right time”.

If you have a conflict with someone at work or school and you see them in the cafeteria during lunch, you might think that the subject’s need is to have his overinflated ego brought down to size and you’re just the person to meet that need.  That kind of thinking with set you both up for an ugly confrontation with undesirable results! The outcome is likely to be better if you see the other person’s need as something not born of your negative judgment.  It’s more likely the person wants appreciation for the work he’s done.  If you can meet that need by simply expressing your appreciation, you will likely get to watch the overinflated ego diminish on its own.

Spiritually speaking, God did a similar thing with humanity.  When we were at the height of sinful living, rather than shake a heavenly finger at us and say, “You all need to change your ways”; he made a human version of himself, walked in our shoes, and sacrificed himself for us that we might be forgiven.

God met our need, but with an act of love rather than chastisement.  I’m not your mom, so I’m not going to tell you what to do, but imagine what kind of world this would be if we all met needs with acts of love.

I certainly can recall times when help came right when I needed it.  Sometimes offers of help come when you don't need it as much and that's still appreciated, but that help that comes at the pinnacle of your need...that changes you.  Can you remember a time when assistance came just in the nick of time?

Weakness Is a Gift

In recent months I've been focusing on relearning how to think about the foods I consume. I had gained 50 lbs since getting married in 2004. I could blame my husband, but all you get as a prize for blaming someone else is that you get to stay the same.! That wasn't an appealing option. So I started reading and praying about weakness.  I've been employing simple tools like writing down at night what I'll eat tomorrow.  After deciding what I'll eat the next day, I put it in containers that fit perfectly into my lunch bag. I can keep the containers in the fridge overnight and just grab and go when it's time to head out the door in the morniing.

This practice alone is revolutionary for me!  It takes the guess work out of lunch. I don't let myself go "grazing" in the neighborhood for ideas of what to eat anymore. I'm not open to eating just anything my eyes happen to catch a glimpse of, because my meals have already been decided.

I bought a food scale to weigh my portions [I'm restricting myself to 4oz of protein and 10oz of vegetables at lunch and dinner, 8oz of yogurt for breakfast (or 2 eggs) , and a fruit at breakfast and lunch, etc.], so I know how much I'm taking in. When I was eating out regularly last year, I lost track of how much I was taking in and that made it really easy to overeat.

Also, I'm practicing eating three meals a day with no snacking in between. This ritual is teaching me to wait until mealtime to eat rather than consider myself "open-for-eating-all-day-everyday". 

Some of these things are embarrassing to write because I feel like this stuff is so basic and used to be the way people thought about meals:  It was a "three times a day" kind of thing; but just like so many other things we used to keep within parameters, food is accessible any time you get the inclination.  And I can get the inclination a lot (i.e. I'm bored, happy, mad, sad, etc.)! In fact, I was eating in a what that was totally out of control and felt helpless to change until I remembered that 2 Corinthians 12: 9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Maybe God was using my weakness to help me really see his power to work even in me!  I love the ERV translation of 2 Timothy 1:7b which says, "His spirit is a source of power and love and self-control".

Here, I'd had access to God's spirit of self-control, but hadn't been using it to navigate this "instant gratification" world we're living in that was setting me up to overeat most days.  When I finally saw that clearly, I knew I needed to tap into God's strength to make some changes.

Today, I'm committing to myself to abstain from daily treats that I tend to eat in excess (i.e. candy, cookies, cakes, and pies, etc.). Foods of this nature will be consumed on rare occasions and in small portions.

"Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes", Ecclesiastes 7:18b. I think in all things this scripture is a wise one to be guided by as long as you're not battling a food addiction. In that case, it's probably best to abstain from sugar and flour completely. 

Which weakness of yours is trying to teach you something lately?

It's the Second Month of 2017. Are You Sticking to Plan?

Tops Domingo

Since the Super Bowl was this past weekend, I began thinking about contests and how much the public loves to watch them.  We don't necessarily like to be part of them, but we admire those who get in there and fight for the title, "First"!

I looked up the definition of Contest and found this: "a race, conflict, or other competition between rivals, as for a prize." The teams that qualified to compete in the Super Bowl are the teams that most consistently beat their rivals throughout the season. It's likely that the team that wins in the end is the one that most consistently kept focused on their goal.

What about us? What rivals for your time and attention?   How are we doing with beating them and staying focused? Today, more than ever focused attention is rare!  Just when you've started to do one thing (like writing), something distracts you (like your phone vibrating) and you're led away from your task.

Even in the days of Jesus, he stated why he had come (i.e. John 10:10, John 12:46, Hebrews 10:9, Matthew 5:17, Matthew 10:34, etc.) for the sake of others, but maybe also to help himself stay on course.  People were often wanting him to do something (John 2:4) that wasn't on his plan.  

That got me to thinking, "Do I even know when I'm off plan?"  Jesus was so focused on what his mission was that he wasn't easily taken off plan.  Is that true for us today?  Today's society is so susceptible to be taken off whatever plan we have because of our constant connection to mobile devices (which can bring "off plan" stuff to us anytime it's on).

I've decided that I'm going to narrow my focus to only those things that are "on plan". All other things are distractions from moving towards my goals.

How about you? Do you have a plan? How's it going sticking to it?  

Deciding what you'll see in 2017!

I've been thinking a lot about seeing lately. The interesting thing about seeing is that it often isn't sight with which we see, but our focus (attention). The conclusion we draw about what we see is guided by what we've predetermined. Which details we decide to focus on and the meanings we give them are guided by a belief system.

In Luke 24:15-31, Jesus goes unseen by his disciples even while he was walking and talking with them. The scriptures say they were kept from recognizing him, but it doesn't say what kept them. It's my belief their own worries or beliefs that he was dead (or stolen) impeded them from really taking Jesus in when he approached them.

I know I can be like that...so worried about something that the very thing I'm looking for alludes me! My mind can be so consumed with something that I fail to actually "see" the pickles that I'm staring at in the refrigerator. That happens when I don't expect to find them, so I don't see them. Something convinces me they're lost and I get so set in that thinking that even while I'm looking at the pickles, I don't see them!

In fact, it's not until the disciples break bread with Jesus that they recognize him (Luke 24:30-31). It makes me wonder if the act of taking food in is what allows them to finally recognize that they are in the presence of God. Maybe Jesus wanted his followers to realize that, though he's the bread of life (John 6:35), they'd have to actually "take him in" to see him.

Isn't that true for each of us; that what we internalize is what's real for us? That's why it's important that we are selective about what we take in. We might be looking in the face of a miracle and not see it, if we haven't set our minds to see it!

So, this year of 2017, I've pre-determined to see "Godness" in all people, places, and things. To me, Godness, is limitlessness. It's the infinity that's in each of us (Ecclesiastes 3:11).  I suspect it will be difficult at times; especially, when someone's behavior is bad. But, I've already decided to see Godness even then. I want to see it, so my intention is to stay ready to see it. I'm going to take it in whatever the circumstances.  What do you want to see this year?

Giving Out of Your Poverty

I haven't written lately.  I didn't want to write from a negative outlook on the world.  I was feeling "blah" about everything and trying to stay out of the "muck and mire", given the political tirades I've been witnessing around me. I would have continued not writing, but something struck me recently that gave me hope and I wanted to pass it on.

I've been meditating on the concept of giving out of your poverty, lately.  In Luke 21:4 a poor widow is recognized by Jesus as giving "more than all the others" because she gave out of her poverty while others gave out of their wealth.  It made me think of how much faith it takes to give when, from your own perspective, you don't feel you have enough.  That's where your faith has to kick in for you to give to someone else.  That's when you're relying on God to replenish you somehow. And it's not logical.  This defies human reason. It's completely faith-based! In fact, you may even have to blind yourself to the facts and act on what you believe to be true about God's ability to supply your needs.

Today, that's where I'm writing from...faith.  I'm writing with the belief that someone needs to know that what's given in faith is seen and acknowledged.  If no person ever gives public acknowledgement, God knows and sees what's given out of "poverty".  And your poverty can be anything you believe you don't have in plenitude at the moment.  God acknowledges when you give from what you don't have; whether it be energy, resources, joy, or anything else.

Sometimes you feel you don't have the enthusiasm you need to be a fun guest at someone's event and go anyway offering up whatever engagement or interesting stories you have.  I believe that offering will be multiplied and and therefore received with greater appreciation than if it was given under different circumstances.  

My hope is that your offering(s) be multiplied and serve to uplift others experiencing their own "poor widow" moments. 

Being Open When You're Hurt.

Image courtesy of Sailom at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today is the second day after the election for President of the United States and the outpouring of emotion from citizens of our nation is reflected in social media, protests, on the faces of stunned Hillary supporters, and the tweets of vindicated Trumpsters.

As a former Independent and recent Democrat, yesterday was hard for me.  When I woke up, I had a sinking feeling that lingered from the previous night that showed the Republican candidate ahead.  Before I checked any news sources or social media outlets, I prayed.  I asked God to help me surrender to whatever the outcome.  I reminded myself of who was really in control of me, my body, and mind.  I stayed in prayer until I was at peace knowing that no one controls me, my body, and mind, but me and God.  In that spirit, I began to open up to the idea of the candidate I didn’t support.  It was the first time I’d done that or even considered it.  Just that little bit of openness brought me some relief.

A sense of calm directed me in my continued meditation.  It occurred to me that the person in the office of the president has less power over my day (or life, for that matter) than I do.  I began to recall how detached I’d been to politics in my upbringing.  In fact, my family and friends were so divorced from the political process that, sad to say, I sometimes only recalled there was an election because of the interruption of my television lineup.  That’s how little I felt represented in the political process. 

Barack Obama changed that for many of us.  He ignited the belief that maybe our voices could be heard.  He encouraged us to show up and vote!  He made inspiring speeches and fired us up!  We respected what he stood for and how he represented the nation on the international stage.  We felt proud to offer support-typically in $20 increments as he contended for the presidency; and with that support and his own determination to bring our concerns to the table, he made it all the way to the White House!  We slept better under his leadership for eight years, trusting his intention and believing he was making the best choices for the country.

This recent presidential election deconstructed my trust in good intentions.  I think many people are hurt because they feel that bad behavior was rewarded and will persist in light of this outcome.  The level of discourse during this campaign was such that I was loathed to watch.  As a diplomatic person, I abhor vile behavior (and speech) against any human beings.  There wasn’t much I could view; preferring to catch bite-size clips through social media platforms like FaceBook and Hulu.  And what I caught was reprehensible.  

This campaign astonished me as the world was introduced to the normalizing of hate speech that featured racist rants, and misogyny.  That's why some people are picketing.  They're doing what they can to speak out against the ugliness.  Now, I’m grown and know such things as we heard on the campaign trail exist.  I know they’re out there, but to see it endorsed and stoked by someone pursuing the office of the president was deeply unsettling.  For this, I hurt...and pray.

So, here I sit, two days after the presidential election, resolved and at peace.  Not happy, but at peace.  Yesterday, I couldn’t bear to watch the news; however, I saw Clinton’s concession speech which left me sad, inspired and hopeful at the same time.  Today, I’m committed to simply follow my God.  That’s it.  I know he still cares what I do, say, and think.  I’ll submit to authority because of my respect and love for God.  That’s the spirit in which I’ll move forward and my only hope for growing open to this new administration.  

Leave Room for The Unexpected!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about our human inclination to gradually narrow ourselves as we grow older. We tend to close ourselves off to things that through time, trial, and error, we've decided we don't like.

Think of your own preferences for music, film, TV, and food. Typically, by the time you're an adult, you've determined which kinds of movies, foods,  and music you like. Your taste is set and your decision-making is rooted therein.

That rootedness can extend also to our goals and ambitions. We can have the perspective that we know what we're good at, what we want to do with our skills and abilities, and we doggedly pursue with single-focus the track we set ourselves on. That's called determination. And that's a good thing. Right? I think it is, mostly; but it's important to leave room for God's influence! He may have a "bend in the road" that you don't see coming. He may have a plan you can't yet conceive. He may have a surprising twist in your story that makes his influence obvious. And I don't think you want to miss it because you're so invested in what you think you know.

Not that everyone's a bible reader, but I have a biblical example that makes my point. Paul the Apostle was on a completely different track in life than what God had planned for him (Galatians 1:15-16); and it wasn't until after he was widely known to oppose Christianity that he was spiritualy redirected (Galatians 1:11-12). It makes me think of how things are revealed to us....little by little sometimes. Other times, it's all at once, but you can't control how or when an revelation comes to you. That's God stuff! All we can do is boldly go in the direction of our inclination, operating at the height of our ability until something different uncovers itself. 

I find this idea especially timely because of the many polarizing things depicted in the news these days, bringing out a tendency for people to dig deeper into their point of view and be completely closed to other ways of seeing an issue. We focus more on defending our position, than seeking true betterment for everyone. Knowing God wants us to add goodness, knowledge, self-control and perseverance to faith to avoid being ineffective in our spiritual practice, I want to be careful not to let the rancor that politics can promote rub off on me. Yes, I have my point of view, but I try to stay open to what unexpected things God may want me to see and accept.

How do you protect yourself from closing off to the world (especially when it's hostile)?

Differences are good. Conflicts are good. Atrophy is bad.

The season is here for the U.S. Open and it got me to thinking about how much I like the idea of “The Open” being about openness in sports. Allowing professional and amateur, male and female, American and non-American athletes to match their skills against equally skilled competitors is a beautiful idea.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the conflicts that inevitably arise with any open forums. As a concept, it’s wonderful. In practice, it’s messy. Think about how the internet has made our world so much more open! When people of different backgrounds and ideologies do anything together, there will be conflict at times. It’s inevitable; but that’s how people learn. That’s how we grow and change. We don’t grow from doing the same things over and over again, with the same people. We learn when things get changed up. Whether we change things ourselves, or change is forced upon us.

Just like our muscles, we grow when we are challenged. For muscular growth to happen, our muscles need increasing measures of tension. In the same way, for us to further develop as people we’ve got to meet challenges, overcome them, and once they’re mastered, seek greater challenges.

Not only is it Tennis season, but it’s also political season in the United States and political discourse (on and/or offline) offers plenty of challenges from which citizens can grow (if they choose). We are each given choices to either grow (i.e. in social knowledge, compassion, tolerance, understanding, etc.) or atrophy. My hope is that, when given the chance, we’ll choose to grow. Unfortunately, it’s not when everything is smooth that we grow. It’s when things are rough; when we disagree that we can expand our knowledge base. That’s when we’re on the precipice of advancement in our personal development!

Some of us don’t want any conflict at all so we opt out of difficult conversations altogether; others of us voice our opinions, not in person, but on social media. But if you are willing to engage in sensitive topics with your opponents in person, consider using tools to help you have a productive time of it. I made a Confrontation Action Guide to help facilitate healthy conflicts. Confrontations are great growth opportunities, but they have to be executed with deliberate sensitivity to other people’s points of view.

When we agree in every way, there’s no growth. It’s pleasant for a while, but then something stirs within and we seek something different. It’s just in us to want to grow. That inherent inclination to evolve is what sometimes prompts us to leave a secure situation to seek new adventures. God planted limitlessness in us (Ecclesiastes 3:11) so it makes sense that we want to expand somehow.

What if every conflict we’ve ever had was for that purpose - our own expansion? To move us toward greater understanding of whatever we were in disagreement over. And every person who brought conflict, an agent of agitation to kick off that growth spurt?

Just like the U.S. Open brings together the most ambitious athletes in the world, what if we were ambitious for our own personal development?

You Don't Know Everything About Today's "You"!

F Deventhal photo

On Labor Day, I began what I'm calling, not a diet, but a lifestyle change where I'm forging a different relationship with food and exercise.  I've decided to manage them both with a great deal more deliberate decision-making. This was jump-started with a week of journaling about why I eat and how I may quietly benefit from holding onto the excess weight. I discovered some laden ideas I held about myself that I was not really cognizant of, but triggered by. 

I'm embarking on a 3 week regimen called "21 Day Fix" with a group of women, spearheaded by a friend of mine. At first I resisted as I usually do with "all things diet", supposing there's nothing I don't know about health and fitness at this stage of my life. What I didn't know was why I don't do the things I know I should! I was deeply aware of my condition of feeling absolutely stuck without a way to dislodge. The beauty of knowing you're stuck is that you let go of trying hold on to "your way of doing things", as the flaws have become blindingly obvious.

After expressing to my coach, Josette, that her role would be to guide me out of "stuckness", I decided to let her guide me to a different way of thinking about health and fitness.  See, I'm a believer that any diet will work for a person who's open to and ready for a lifestyle change. It's when you want a lifestyle change, but don't know how to want it enough to impact meal-by-meal choices that's the problem. That's when you need tribal support. It can also be useful to do an internal excavation to uncover what hidden ideas about food and fitness are getting in the way of healthy living. It might be helpful to ask God to reveal to you what's going on within, since he knows what we long for (Psalm 38:9) probably better than we do.

The plan suggests that you calculate - using their metrics - how many calories you'll need to take in to lose weight. Without even following their metric, I chose the most restrictive caloric range. But later I thought better of it. In the spirit of submitting to the process, I decided to take on the idea that I don't know what I'm doing! I've never calculated the amount of calories needed daily (juxtaposed against how much exercise I do) to lose weight. When I was 21 the most restrictive calorie chart was what I needed; but I'm no longer that age so why am I acting like "today's" me should follow "yesterday's" plan?

With that in mind, I calculated using the "21 Day Fix" tools and found that I was allowed nearly 400 more calories than I thought! I was holding on to "yesterday's" nutritional needs! That was an earlier model of myself. The person I look at in the mirror today, is the model I have to work with now. So I need to make choices to accommodate her!

Had I not given myself a mental adjustment, I would have been cheating myself of 400 calories (that's a meal!), making it easier for me to quit! It made me think of how important it is to remain open to "today's" rendition of ourselves in all areas. We often think we know ourselves, when really we're working with outdated ideas of ourselves at times. We've changed!

We lose a million skin cells in 24 hours, so we're different each and every day. It's just so incremental that changes happen without our even noticing. Our brains lose at least 9000 neurons every day!  Considering the billions of neurons we have, that may not seem like a lot; but it's a change - and one we don't recognize (until the change is drastic enough for us to notice).

We need to recognize that, though some things about the way we think stay the same, we are ever-changing beings and we may need different tools to motivate us today than we did yesterday. Have you ever been surprised by new information about yourself? I'd love to hear about it!

Growing Open as You Age

Photo by LaurieGnt

This is past weekend was my birthday and I tend to reflect on my birthday. I think about all the obstacles I've had to contend with, all the risks taken, the gains and the losses; and whether or not I feel up for new challenges in the coming years. To me, this is one of the adventures of aging. The growing tendency to want to relax more as I age; the desire to sit back and enjoy "harvesting" whatever's been "planted" is real and it's dangerous. It is an ever-present threat to slow me down! Or worse yet, shut me down completely!

I'm noticing how often I'm tempted to feel as though I know what to do in a given situation because I'm recalling what happened in the past. It's so easy to think to myself, "Last time I did this, "such and such" happened. So this time, I won't do this. Or last time I said that, "such and such" was the response, so this time I won't say "such and such". I have more history behind me with each passing year and feel experienced in a lot more ways than I did in my youth. This outlook can hinder trying new things: because I think I know what will happen. Similarly, I may be tempted to do the same things over and over again, believing I'll get the same desirable outcome each time.

The lessons from experience can be advantageous, but using past experiences as templates for how to behave in future experiences can be a great stumbling block to my continued growth. Deep down, I know there are limitless places from where I can learn new lessons, if I'm open to it. As Job 32:9 reminds us "It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right". Sometimes, it's some "kid" who seems like a "hot mess" in some ways that teaches me some really valuable lesson.  

Also, it's crucial to the enjoyment of life to stay open to discovery. If I greet everything with a "been there, done that" attitude, familiarity will stale everything and I'll be older, but not necessarily wiser; and, Lord knows, I don't want that!

There's a real danger of bitter roots setting in if I allow myself to stop talking about things I want or asking for changes I want to see because I've lost hope that things could be any different. It takes real commitment and faith to continue believing people can change (myself, especially). God knows what we want and he knows when we're losing faith in ourselves or other people too. 

Psalm 38:9 says, "All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you", so the source of us all knows our desires and can supply our longings or not. But if he gave me whatever I asked for right away with no waiting period, where would the faith be in that? How would I grow if it came right away? The growth happens in the waiting...and practicing faith, believing while living through the waiting.

I think what I'm seeing as I age is the importance of holding onto my willingness to be vulnerable and open to new experiences. Consenting to learning, growing, speaking up, and seeking understanding of others' points of view will likely lead to growing old, not just gracefully, but faithfully!

How about you? How do you keep growing as a person as you age?

Why Am I Lazy?

I've hit a rough patch lately where I give in to laziness more than I'd like. It's not something I want to fool myself into believing, "You needed that break". There are times when I just get rebellious and don't want to do something I know I ought to do.

Lately, I've been particularly lazy about creating. I wrote my first non-fiction book, "The Charm of Confrontation: The Life-Changing Benefits of Being Frank" and it totally spent my energy. Now, I've been listening to podcasts, watching videos, reading bits of other people's stuff, but I've been really slacking in my own creating for the past few weeks.

I actually wanted to write a couple of blog posts before this, but I came down with a bad case of "lazy bones". Now, I could rationalize and say, "But you just wrote a book! That was a lot of work. You owe it to yourself to relax!" But, as depicted in Proverbs 22:13, there'll always be an excuse to delay doing something. This got me thinking about my spiritual DNA and my connection to Eve.

Let's review the Eve story. Eve was asked by the serpent, "Did God really say 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" Then Eve corrected, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'" The serpent then says, "You will not certainly die," and essentially goes on to say that eating the fruit will make you like God, knowing good and evil.

I don't know the time it took for that thought to grow into an action plan, but I suspect she mulled over what the serpent said while gazing at the fruit for a while.  And who's to say how long "a while" is. This is conjecture, but while Adam was working the land Eve was probably indulging this new idea of God lying about the fruit. She was being lazy.

Rather than go directly to God to clarify, she just indulged this new idea until it led her to defy God and eat the fruit. Not only did she eat the fruit, but she mustered the energy to get Adam to eat the fruit too! Eve was being lazy when she didn't work through the feelings this new information the serpent had given her stirred up. She could have gone to God and got advice about what the serpent said; or she could have gone to Adam, but she took the serpent's word as truth and acted on it. She wanted to be like God. She didn't want to have to go through channels, she wanted what she wanted on her schedule.

I can be like Eve when I want what I want by my schedule. Sometimes I just want to rest with no consequence. When I'm in that state, I can lazily surf the web or scan TV channels with no purpose in mind. I become like a sponge, where I'm just soaking in whatever I come across and snapping to judgment because of it. It takes mental energy to think through these things. Ain't nobody got time for that! I'm just "vegging out." I know it's not productive, but I want to do what I want to do for a change.

More often than not, indulging these lazy phases leave me feeling frustrated. The time wasted makes me feel like an unproductive loser. Like Chantalle Blikman says in her article, 5 Ways to Get Energized and Motivated When You Feel Lazy, I can get overwhelmed by thinking of all the things I want to do or goals I want to set. Focusing on fewer things to pursue, seems more achievable and therefore less immobilizing. I feel cluttered in the head when I try to tackle too many new ideas. So it's to my benefit to pay close attention to what I let my mind take in and what I take on.  

What works for you when you're tempted to be lazy?

Opening Up to a New Idea!

oatsy40

One day I was commuting to work in New York City from New Jersey when I had a thought.  I was in the midst of finishing my first book so I was mostly swirling in thoughts about that, but today I had a new thought.  One I hadn’t had before: “I should write a screenplay”.  That was the thought.  I didn’t know what I’d write about, but the thought, “I should write a screenplay” was clear.

Nearing the office, I saw a text from a longtime friend, Trisha, appear. I was surprised because we rarely connect, as she’s a mom now and no longer lives in the area. I make a mental note to check what’s on her mind when I get to the office.

By the time I arrive, I also see that I have a voicemail. I check the voicemail first to see if it’s my husband with an emergency, but it turns out to be Trisha. “What gives?”, I think. “A call and a text? I hope she’s alright”. I listen to the voicemail and hear Trish query as to whether or not I’d be interested in writing a screenplay.  Her text included an extra detail saying, “Would you be interested in writing a 5 minute film?”

I was floored! I’m not a screenwriter and no one thinks I am. I just had the thought for the first time this morning!  Because of the crazy freaky occurrence of my thought being immediately followed up by a script request, I felt I had to accept the challenge.  When I told Trish about the crazy freaky nature of her asking me to write this she responded with something to the affect that “it’s meant to be”.

So I say “Yes I’d be interested in writing a 5 minute movie, just tell me when you need it”.  When she said, “Tonight” I envisioned a “spit take”.  For those not well-versed in movie jargon a “spit take” is a playful device, usually done in a comedy, where someone says something and the other person spits out whatever they’re drinking.

“Tonight?”, I say.  “Trish, I’m at work.  I don’t have time to write a movie”!  Why the tight deadline?”  So Trish explains that she’s submitting a film to something called 72 Hour Shootout hosted by the Asian American Film Lab and the whole thing had to happen in 72 hours.  She had a cast in place and location options already chosen.  All they needed now was a script.  She explained that at least one lead needed to be Asian American.  So I said, “I don’t have any ideas off the top of my head, but I’ll see if we’re slow enough today so I can try to do it over lunch”.

Trish sent photos of the cast and the locations to stir some ideas. Seeing the cast and location choices, I suddenly was struck with a funny (to me, anyway) idea!  I sat for a moment marveling at how Trish had thought to ask me. I plunked out a script and sent it to Trish.  She was thrilled, sent it to the cast, and we were slated to shoot the very next day.

Well, long story short, our little film is recognized among the top 40 of their submissions (I think they had hundreds) and we’re invited to the Asian American Film Festival’s awards ceremony tonight!

All I can say is “God is amazing!”  I believe he synchronized mine and Trisha’s thoughts that morning. And now we’re on this really fun journey! I can only wonder why he wanted me to be involved. That will be revealed as we go, I suppose.

Open up to new things.  Who knows where it could lead? Open up, open out, I say. What new ideas have emerged for you lately?  I’d love to hear any mystical stories of yours!

What If I'm Wrong?

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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When I was in 8th grade I had a math teacher who would give us weekly brain teasers to sharpen our problem-solving abilities.  I looked forward to these times because there was one dollar awarded to the person who came up with the answer first.

You might not believe it to know me now, but I once had a very sharp mind and was good at unraveling the riddles and lining my pockets with “dollar bills, y’all!”  When I think back to what made me so quick at unlocking the key to whatever conundrum he’d given us, it was that I’d asked myself, “What if I’m thinking about this all wrong?  What am I not seeing?”  Invariably, the answer would emerge and I’d win the week’s pot.

Typically, a riddle has a set up, then a question and goes something like this:

Q: A man is pushing his car along the road when he comes to a hotel. He shouts, "I'm bankrupt!" Why?

A: He was playing monopoly.

If you want to sharpen your own logic, you can find more brain teasers at

http://brainden.com/logic-riddles.htm.

Today, I still use this practice of questioning what I'm not seeing.  It’s my attempt to stay open to unseen answers to life’s boggling questions. When I’m faced with something particularly troubling, I inquire of myself “What if I’m thinking all wrong? What am I not seeing?” These simple questions can unlock a new perspective. A different way of seeing a situation.

The scripture, Luke 19:26, says “...I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what they have will be taken away.” That’s a scripture about perspective.  How can something be taken away from you if you have nothing?  The fact is, what’s being taken from you is what you didn’t acknowledge you had!

No living human being has nothing.  If you are alive, you have life!  So there it is.  Your something!  Now, if you don’t open yourself to seeing that, you set yourself up to lose.  If you don’t appreciate your good health, you’ll likely appreciate it only once it’s gone.

So when you’re complaining about all that you don’t have, stop and ask yourself, “What if I’m thinking all wrong?  What am I not seeing?” You might just open up to the fact that you are indeed blessed.  So why not start counting the ways?

Staying Open in the Face of Hatred

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The past few weeks have been a painful exposé of systemic racism within law enforcement all over the country with the recent publicity of the killings of Philando Castile and Alton Sterling. The outcry of citizens demanding police accountability has been met, not only by public support for reform, but also by racist rants on social media condemning the victims.  We've even had the misfortune of seeing an American so fed up he took matters into his own hands and shot several policeman at random. And we saw him blown up in retaliation.

With this backdrop of hostility, fear, rage, and hatred, it's a tall order to take the time to consider openness and growing more accepting. It's tempting in this climate to retreat, reclude, and close off. That seems most safe in these times. There's a scripture in Proverbs 16:25 that says, "There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death". So many things appear right to us because we're human, but we may be setting ourselves up for death.

Growing in a healthy way (i.e. more peaceful, patient, kind, gentle, etc.) requires letting new information in and evaluating it. When we close off we cannot take in new material, but rather we take in only what adds to the narrative we're stewing in. Sometimes it's good to check ourselves to see if we're setting ourselves up for good decision-making. The Center for Applied Rationality has a useful checklist if you're interested in becoming aware of your own habits.

If you're a person who wants to contribute to the world in a useful way, you might be stuck trying to figure out what you want to do with all this information; how you want to respond. Some react right away and share their thoughts on public platforms like Facebook and Twitter, but you want to add to the conversation in a way that's productive and most valuable. I hear you. I'm there too. 

The anger and hatred that's clogging up my newsfeed on Facebook has served to keep my off the platform for awhile and likely caused me to miss a few items I might have benefitted from hearing; but alas, I have to keep my sanity.

My hope is for whoever reads this, to look at your own thoughts and actions toward your fellow man and choose the behaviors--moment to moment--of the higher self. If the whole world does that we'll all be more like our maker.

Learning to Accept a "Win"

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Today, I stepped on the scale and was disappointed to see that my weight - which I am desperate to get down - remains the same as its been for the past seven weeks.  Seven weeks ago, I made some changes in my diet and quickly dropped 7.5 lbs the first week.; thereafter, my weight has been the same each time I do a weigh-in.  My hopes for coming down significantly this summer were starting to wane and I was slipping into an abyss of hopelessness and listening to an inner voice saying, "Same old Linda.  You know you can't do this.  You're too old and set in your ways to lose as much weight as you want (50 lbs). You need to just get used to being fat."

I was having a pity party to beat all pity parties!  But then a thought occurred to me.  It pierced through the "why me?" session like the break of dawn: I've held steady to a 7.5 lb weight loss for 7 weeks.  That signifies that I've made a lasting change.  More importantly to me than the time that it takes to drop the weight should be to keep it off!  In a research project led by Philippa Lally and published in the European Journal of Social Psychology it takes approximately 66 days to form a lasting habit.  

So with 7 weeks under my belt of holding at my current weight I'm well on my way to being able to say that the dietary change I made has been grafted into my regular eating routine. The way that I've kept off the 7.5 lbs weight loss has now become my new "normal" and doesn't feel that difficult to maintain.  And I'm not even exercising yet!  Now for me to reduce further, I'll now have to make another adjustment until it's a lasting habit; and then make another and another and so forth. 

I started out the day whining about not losing more weight, but when I opened myself up to a different perspective, I recognized that what I was whining about was actually a "win".  I mean, when was the last time I dropped some weight and kept it off?  Before this, I couldn't recall. So I am actually in the midst of a big "win".  Now, I've got to keep on keeping on, make another lasting change, hold it and not let any victory slip past my notice.  I suddenly am feeling hopeful again.  Are you with me?

Staying Vulnerable in the Face of Danger

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To protect my sense of peace, I don't usually watch the news.  This past Saturday though, while doing other writing work on my computer, I decided to have Facebook open so I could engage with "my peeps" a little bit when I needed a break.  I started seeing Christina Grimmie's name in my newsfeed saying that she had been shot.  I thought to myself, "How terrible", but wanting to protect my sense of peace, I didn't click to see Adam Levine's comment or go gleaning for details. 

Later on, while speaking on the phone to a friend, I mentioned how sad it was that Christina had been shot, and when my friend added, "and killed", I yelped in surprise. "And killed?  She was killed?  Oh my God, that's horrible!"  The sense of peace I was trying to protect was now like a fractured windshield housing a web of cracks extending out to its corners.  

I went online to try to make sense of such a tragedy, but dared not view any video. Another senseless act of violence, involving a gun and an innocent.  Something has got to be done about all this access to guns!  I went back to doing my work, but drained of enthusiasm due to the shock of this breaking story.  

On Sunday morning, on the way to see a friend in a show in beautiful Quogue, NY, I started to see in my news feed that 50 people had been shot in Orlando, FL. "What is going on?" I thought.  "Have people lost their minds?"  I read a bit about the massacre and had to stop.  I was going from sad to mad to deep despair when I decided to stop.

I prayed for Christina's and the club victims' family, friends, and all that would hear/hurt about it. I asked God to comfort them and heal us all.  I then thought of my stepdaughter and how often she's performing somewhere and taking pictures with fans.  I almost texted to suggest she keep some distance from fans when I paused to consider this: Opening yourself up is an act of faith--every time.  It's not always going to end the way you want, but you'll be keeping in step with who you are and what you believe. 

Each time we open ourselves to others we risk being hurt.  Jesus himself demonstrated that. Even though he knew that one of his 12 disciples would betray him (Matthew 26: 21 "And while they were eating, he said, 'Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.'”), he didn't hold back love, instruction, or correction from any one of them.  He loved each one wholly and completely despite their shortcomings.  He understood that we are just people; vulnerable to good and bad. 

He made himself vulnerable to the very people who would kill him; he made himself vulnerable knowing the evil of humanity.  I think he wanted us to know that even when he could have protected himself from being hurt by us lost souls, he didn't.  He valued openness. He valued connection to others. Even to the point of being willing to let people close to him. He understood that it was all part of a plan that would lead to his crucifixion.

I know a lot of us are tempted to protect ourselves and our loved ones from suffering such a fate as Christina and all those people at Pulse nightclub by pulling away from each other; protecting ourselves somehow; close our doors, build our walls. But the truth is, we can't know when our time is up and while we live, wouldn't we rather live in a way that's full and open? What's the alternative -- empty and closed? Vulnerability shows great strength and resolve. I don't claim to have answers, just questions. 

Be Open to Opportunities to Grow

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Hi there!  Thanks for joining me for my inaugural post on the Growing Open blog! I thought I'd start this post reminding us of nature's support for openness by drawing our attention to flowers.

Roses are a great source to find lessons about growing open. They require about 5 or 6 hours a day of sunlight to grow well.  Imagine that! If you put them in the shade, they may not die right away, but they won't grow as healthy as they would in sunlight. Sun exposes whatever is in its light; and at the same time fosters the growth of the flowers that sit in it.

Sometimes, our insecurities make us want to hide parts of ourselves; live in "the shade", so to speak. We can be so concerned about not wanting to reveal any weaknesses, that we miss out on getting help or understanding how to strengthen those weakness. Letting weakness show also brings us into community with other people who feel the same temptation to hide.

This past weekend, I had the thought that I wanted to work on writing screenplays. Just as if it was scripted for television, a friend texted asking if I could write a 5 minute film for a film festival she wanted to submit to.

Now, because I'm not a skilled screenwriter I was tempted to say, "Let me get better at screenwriting first, then I'll let you know when my work's ready". But I then considered, "What if this opportunity is coming as a response to what I just put out there in the universe?" The least I could do was be open to the means by which I could grow in the very direction I claimed I wanted: writing screenplays!

When I saw the request from my friend as a response to my thought about writing screenplays, I knew I had to do it! Even though the script would be needed in a ridiculously short amount of time, I saw it as a chance to grow. It was a way to bring my writing aspirations "out into the sun".

As creative people, we can feel protective of anything we create and want to delay bringing it to the public until it's perfect.  The problem with that is it will never be perfect, so you may never release it (whatever "it" is)!

So I wrote a 5 minute script in a few hours for Noble Fountain Films (http://nffilms.com/) to submit for the 72 Hour Shootout Competition hosted by the Asian American Film Festival.  Having the cast read it the very next day was terrifying and wonderful!  Saying "Yes" to doing something so out of my comfort realm was liberating and has opened the door to something I gave birth to in my thoughts.

I hope you'll be open to the next opportunity that comes your way that can help you grow in the direction you want. Let's be like roses and live in the sun!

What's been something that presented itself to you as a growth opportunity?